the utterly ridiculous tale of two elves
by Jango519
Summary: this is what happens when two friends decide to go out and try to make a fanfiction about a story they made up.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers. This is an attempt at a strange story made by me and a friend, so I will warn you that it will make no sense what so ever If you still feel like reading here it is.**

**Prologue**

"Damn it Owen!" a man shouted as he chased a blond wood elf, while preparing to fire a fireball at him

"I can't help that it so good" the wood elf now known as Owen shouted back while grabbing for his ebony bow. As he turned to fire, he noticed a large projectile charging his way. Owen swiftly dodged around the fireball and fired the arrow.

The man, a grey skinned dark elf, quickly grabbed the dagger sheathed at his belt and knocked the arrow away. "Quit taking my booze!" he shouted charging up a large amount of magicka.

"NEVER!" Owen shouted back firing another arrow.

"Too late." The dark elf muttered to himself as he released the spell.

"What are yo- OH S-"Owen shouted before a large rock flew into him at Mach speeds.

As the dust cleared around the newly formed clearing, the elf stood waiting.

"That hurt you know," said the voice of the Wood Elf as he stood.

"Oh whatever. I've hit you with meteors three time that size.

"Those hurt even worse Justis!" Owen said pointing his finger at the smirking elf.

"Screw you. You stole my special booze. You can't even handle your alcohol, so why are you trying to steal mine."

"It is just soo good."

"I don't care" Justis said swiping the bottle that had managed to survive the blast from Owen.

"Now let's go, we have dragons to kill, and your wife will kill me if I let you escape again." Justis said walking away. Owen soon followed him and the went on their way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people! **

**Chapter 1: the story begins.**

"I'm going to make sure you're court martialed for this" The voice of a certain Dark elf rang out through the forest.

"Quiet back there" the carriage driver said not even looking back.

"I swear if even one thing is missing from my ba-"

"For the love of Talos will you shut up," came another voice. It was another elf that spoke.

"I just woke up this morning to imperial scouts with swords at my neck and a massive hangover, so I don't want to hear shit about your bad afternoon." Faldil said finally

"You're not too bright are you?" Ibokiro replied deadpanning.

"What makes you say that?"

"You just said things that incriminate you as a talos worshipper in front of 2 imperial guards, and the thalmor spies that have been following us." Ibokiro finished before quickly adding "Don't tense up guardsman they will know that you have caught on if you do; besides they are not hostile. They are just here to protect the leader" He finished finally.

"Also tell General Tulius that Ibokiro is sitting on one of the carts please. It would make me very happy to not have my head lopped off." Ibokiro added on before leaning his head back waiting for the carts to arrive."

(**Narrator) And with that Ibokiro fell asleep for the remainder of the cart ride. Faldil did the same shortly after**

"Wake up back there." A voice said.

Only Ibokiro awoke from this.

"Hello Tulius." He said yawning and stretching

Tulius sighed at this "It's General to you."

"So you got promoted: Good for you!" Ibokiro replied cheerfully

"Yes, yes, but first you seem to have a bit of a predicament there." Tulius replied smirking

**It was then the Ibokiro revealed his hands unbounded.**

"Yep I am in a real predicament. Now could you tell your guards to release me?" Ibokiro replied smirking right back.

"Guards let him go, He's a damn war hero!" Tulius's voice boomed to the guards.

Ibokiro was released then "also let the drunk go. There's no way that idiot could be a member of the stormcloaks."

"I heard that you bastard" came from said drunk

"Really, because from what I've see, drunk idiots seem to be the bulk of their army" Tulius replied in a jovial tone.

"Yes, but I have never seen an elven Stormcloak." Ibokiro replied stressing the word elven.

"Fine, fine you made your point. Release the drunken elf." Tulius said waving it off before saying "Now for the execution"

**Then you know the rest Ulfric get put on the chopping block, Alduin arrives, and everybody runs. I know, I know what about Ibokiro and Faldil? Well… they ran too. Anyways let's skip to Riverwood shall we. **

"Damn traitor" Hadvar muttered under his breath

"at least I am fighting for Skyrim and its people!" Ralof said hearing Hadvar's words.

"Oh really, and after war who will you deal with the thalmor, huh. They well come here and make Skyrim an example for the rest of the world to see." Hadvar replied glairing

"THAT IS IT! SHUT UP! I HAVE BEEN LISTINING TO YOU TWO B**** AND MOAN AT EACH OTHER FOR THE PAST HOUR" Ibokiro yelled out.

"Keep it down would you. I've still got a hangover." Faldil said clutching his head.

"Fine, fine. Riverwood is just up ahead if I remember correctly." Ibokiro replied as Riverwood came into view.

"Anyways, here we are. You two are to not fight until you both are back on the battlefield. I am going to go on ahead." Ibokiro said again as he walked away.

**And thus ends the chapter one. I know, I know. But it should be **


End file.
